Prevention and Mitigation of Queerphobia

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Prevention and Mitigation of Queerphobia

Post by stenopushispidus »

i’m not completely sure if this topic has already been addressed or is appropriate (moderators please take this down if it is not) , but i saw gz’s racism in the united states topic and i thought i’d give it a go.

queerphobia (fear/hatred of lgbtqia+) is not a new issue, but it is still a quite large and important one. i have personally had experiences with queerphobia and know firsthand the type of effects it can have on a person. even small things hurt people like calling someone “gay” as a joke; experiences of queerphobia at younger ages have shown to affect people strongly later in life, meaning that small comments have a devastating ripple effect.

my main questions are:
- are there any ways that queerphobia is prevented (primarily in schools) that work?
- how do you think we could reach a completely acceptive community/society?
- how do you think we could lessen the effect of queerphobia on lgbtqia+ persons?

i had a few main reasons for making this topic and i wanted to share some of them in case they gave a form of guide or such:
- i wanted to spread awareness of the situation and show how even small queerphobic actions can have a large effect.
- i definitely don’t know how to help others who have had experienced queerphobia, but i know that seeing things like this made me feel a bit better and i’m not sure how this could hurt.
- there are a lot of amazing lgbtqia+ people in the community and i was curious as to what knowledge the community’s experiences have given them.

please follow forum rules; do not bring up banned topics, use strong language, etc.
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Re: Prevention and Mitigation of Queerphobia

Post by MorningCoffee »

alrighty, this is definitely a topic that i am very grateful has been made, and i wanted to give some of my opinions on it

-in my school, there are a few clubs that have been made such as Diversity Club or clubs relating to those a part of the lgbtqia+ community. These are wonderful clubs, and generally create a safe place, since queerphobic people cannot walk in there and be a jerk easily.
-GUYS PLEASE STAND UP OTHERS IT MEANS THE WORLD!!! There are some queerphobic people in my school, some shouting some not nice things towards my queer friend, and just talking to him and helping him ignore the jerks really helped and made them fizzle out.
-If you even sense in the slightest that someone is having a hard time, talk to them and let them know that they have someone to talk to. I have a thing where I just bring the sad person a box of cookies and let them talk in hopes of helping them, and they usually become a lot happier. This is especially important for those who have queerphobic family and don't have anyone to really turn to. So GIVE THOSE COOKIES AND HELP
-In general, try spreading the joy to attempt to mitigate this terrible, irrational hate. If anyone ever needs to talk, just PM me and I'll listen. I want to make sure this hate doesn't effect anyone <3
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Re: Prevention and Mitigation of Queerphobia

Post by stenopushispidus »

case in point: in my last class, the people next to me talked the whole time and they talked quite a bit about people being “gay”. this is a quite common occurrence and you probably have also experienced or witnessed something like this. after hearing this for maybe 15 minutes, i (somehow) gained the confidence to be able to ask them why they were using the word “gay” like that and they said “relax, it’s just a joke” in an exasperated tone. some would say that this is better than other forms of queerphobia or a so called “lesser evil” and i agree. it’s much better than what i and many others have experienced, but the real harm comes from the context and normality. the fact that people use it make people think it’s ok to be queerphobic and how it was used in a derogatory way makes being gay or liking the same gender seem wrong or looked down upon.

if you’ve called someone “gay” or something like it before, it doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person. just try to think about what you’re going to say before you feel like saying it again.
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Re: Prevention and Mitigation of Queerphobia

Post by stenopushispidus »

finally figured out why the letter q(ueers) is 10 points in scrabble. it’s because we might be a minority, but we are worth so, so much.

the lgbtqia+ community is technically a “minority group” but from what I’ve seen about the community, the numerical amount of people is the only minor thing about it.

loud and proud, never forget.
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Re: Prevention and Mitigation of Queerphobia

Post by SilverBreeze »

I think for some people, they might be supportive of LGBTQ+ (or at least tolerant of it) but have a negative gut reaction because it's something that contradicts the way they grew up learning how the world works. I can't know what's going on in their head, but to me, "it's unnatural" often sounds more like "I'm not used to it." This can manifest itself as trying to justify the gut feeling (and thus justifying queerphobia), unintentional alienation, or a "not in my backyard situation" where they don't actively try to oppress LGBTQ+ people, but end up making them uncomfortable in their presence.

I think among the many things we can do to help society accept LGBTQ+ people more is putting them in media. Not as tokens, and not to act out stereotypes. Just people, with their own stories and hopes and aspirations. We can't be orientation/gender-blind, because that inadvertently dismisses their struggles while preventing us from thinking about implicit biases. But I think we do need to portray LGBTQ+ people in media for things other than the struggles and discrimination they face. They're not poor little denizens of a far-off land who need your donations and advocacy. They're your classmates, your neighbors, maybe even your family members. They're the people in your life who display none of the stereotypical traits of their identity, hiding because they don't know who they can trust. They're the people you grew up with, maybe were taught "this is the way you are supposed to be" right alongside you. They're not doing this to be evil or rebel or follow a whim. This is the way they were born. There is biological basis for LGBTQ+ orientation and gender identity related to genetics and brain chemistry. They don't have a choice. And I think that people who aren't harming anyone else should be able to be proud of who they are.

It won't fix all the issues, but I think if we show LGBTQ+ people as normal in things not related to LGBTQ+ and not make a fuss about it, it will help then next generation grow up without that ungrounded knee-jerk reaction.

If you're reading this and in the closet, I support you. If you came out to someone and got stung, I'm here for you. If you just need to talk about anything, my PMs are open. Let's make this a better world, even if only by a tiny bit.

Resources I pulled off the internet:
Crisis Text Line:
Text HOME to 741741 or use https://www.crisistextline.org/ and message them through Messenger. They're there for anything, whether it's LGBTQ+ related, school, just feeling down, or serious mental health emergencies.
If you came out and were kicked out of the house:
https://assets2.hrc.org/files/assets/re ... QYouth.pdf
Resources by state:
https://www.lambdalegal.org/sites/defau ... tate_1.pdf
General:
https://www.glaad.org/resourcelist
Some book ideas:
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/the- ... ride-month

EDIT: Tacking on a thought. To you, it may be "just a joke," but someone speaking up about it means you made someone uncomfortable. Communication goes two ways. Something that can reasonably be interpreted as hurtful is not okay just because you weren't trying to hurt someone.
Last edited by SilverBreeze on April 17th, 2021, 11:20 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Prevention and Mitigation of Queerphobia

Post by stenopushispidus »

SilverBreeze wrote: April 17th, 2021, 11:10 pm I think for some people, they might be supportive of LGBTQ+ (or at least tolerant of it) but have a negative gut reaction because it's something that contradicts the way they grew up learning how the world works. I can't know what's going on in their head, but to me, "it's unnatural" often sounds more like "I'm not used to it." This can manifest itself as trying to justify the gut feeling (and thus justifying queerphobia), unintentional alienation, or a "not in my backyard situation" where they don't actively try to oppress LGBTQ+ people, but end up making them uncomfortable in their presence.

I think among the many things we can do to help society accept LGBTQ+ people more is putting them in media. Not as tokens, and not to act out stereotypes. Just people, with their own stories and hopes and aspirations. We can't be orientation/gender-blind, because that inadvertently dismisses their struggles while preventing us from thinking about implicit biases. But I think we do need to portray LGBTQ+ people in media for things other than the struggles and discrimination they face. They're not poor little denizens of a far-off land who need your donations and advocacy. They're your classmates, your neighbors, maybe even your family members. They're the people in your life who display none of the stereotypical traits of their identity, hiding because they don't know who they can trust. They're the people you grew up with, maybe were taught "this is the way you are supposed to be" right alongside you. They're not doing this to be evil or rebel or follow a whim. This is the way they were born. There is biological basis for LGBTQ+ orientation and gender identity related to genetics and brain chemistry. They don't have a choice. And I think that people who aren't harming anyone else should be able to be proud of who they are.

It won't fix all the issues, but I think if we show LGBTQ+ people as normal in things not related to LGBTQ+ and not make a fuss about it, it will help then next generation grow up without that ungrounded knee-jerk reaction.

If you're reading this and in the closet, I support you. If you came out to someone and got stung, I'm here for you. If you just need to talk about anything, my PMs are open. Let's make this a better world, even if only by a tiny bit.

Resources I pulled off the internet:
Crisis Text Line:
Text HOME to 741741 or use https://www.crisistextline.org/ and message them through Messenger. They're there for anything, whether it's LGBTQ+ related, school, just feeling down, or serious mental health emergencies.
If you came out and were kicked out of the house:
https://assets2.hrc.org/files/assets/re ... QYouth.pdf
Resources by state:
https://www.lambdalegal.org/sites/defau ... tate_1.pdf
General:
https://www.glaad.org/resourcelist
Some book ideas:
https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/the- ... ride-month

EDIT: Tacking on a thought. To you, it may be "just a joke," but someone speaking up about it means you made someone uncomfortable. Communication goes two ways. Something that can reasonably be interpreted as hurtful is not okay just because you weren't trying to hurt someone.
i completely agree with silver and really wish that lgbtqia+ was a topic addressed in elementary school so that it’s not a “banned subject” of sorts. i’m not sure if this is how it is for most schools, but at my school lgbtqia+ is only talked about in the gsa and otherwise only mentioned in insults or such. however, some people are not comfortable joining the gsa because it could out them or, in my case, there are some issues with the gsa. lgbtqia+ is not really mentioned by the teachers or in guidance class which somehow makes it worse because it feels like the administration doesn’t support.

my school actually has a mandatory guidance class in 7th grade and mandatory life skills in 9th grade along with advisory presentations and stuff during homeroom every week. lgbtqia+ has not yet been brought up yet in advisory or was included in the guidance class (other topics in the guidance class were things like bullying, friendship, adolescence and puberty, etc) and i don’t have much hope it’ll be in life skills for me next year. life skills dives deeper into the...adolescence and puberty topic, but i really dont think if they’ll include an lgbtqia+ topic somewhere and that makes me a bit sad. i understand it’s a controversial topic for the schools, but still. you’re talking about reproduction and having us label diagrams of genitalia and you won’t even say “if you like the same gender or don’t feel like the gender you were assigned to at birth it’s ok”. idk, just my opinion. i don’t mean i expect a full on lesson, but maybe one sentence like that would be reassuring.

all in all, we can’t blame people for not being exposed to lgbtqia+ as children so it makes them uncomfortable, but i do condone actual bullying because someone acts lgbtqia+ or is lgbtqia+. this is why i say that if you called someone gay or used it somewhat derogatorily before, you’re not a bad person. you didn’t know any better. just try not to do it again.

i just wanted to add in: in case anyone here isn’t sure if this community supports or is queerphobic, i’ll explain. we can’t control who’s in the community because we can’t ban people from joining scioly at their schools, but there are many supportive people. of course, there will be queerphobic people, but there are also some great people. for example a lot of people i’ve found to be very supportive are (but not limited to) SilverBreeze, twoplustwoisten, gz839918, bernard, schrodingers_cat, jaspattack, hugotroop, person, pikachu4919, and so many more. if you’re ever feeling down, just remember that these people are somewhere in the world supporting you without even knowing who you are. i think that’s pretty great.
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Re: Prevention and Mitigation of Queerphobia

Post by SilverBreeze »

stenopushispidus wrote: April 18th, 2021, 2:27 pm my school actually has a mandatory guidance class in 7th grade and mandatory life skills in 9th grade along with advisory presentations and stuff during homeroom every week. lgbtqia+ has not yet been brought up yet in advisory or was included in the guidance class (other topics in the guidance class were things like bullying, friendship, adolescence and puberty, etc) and i don’t have much hope it’ll be in life skills for me next year. life skills dives deeper into the...adolescence and puberty topic, but i really dont think if they’ll include an lgbtqia+ topic somewhere and that makes me a bit sad. i understand it’s a controversial topic for the schools, but still. you’re talking about reproduction and having us label diagrams of genitalia and you won’t even say “if you like the same gender or don’t feel like the gender you were assigned to at birth it’s ok”. idk, just my opinion. i don’t mean i expect a full on lesson, but maybe one sentence like that would be reassuring.
I think one factor at play is intolerant parents. The school can't afford to annoy too many parents, and the easiest way is to not bring it up at all. It makes me sad that LGBTQ+ isn't taught about at school or acknowledged.
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Re: Prevention and Mitigation of Queerphobia

Post by Jehosaphat »

One thing that I've noticed lately at my school, is that the stigma goes both ways. We have an "Acceptance Club" that is affiliated with the GSA, and one problem that has existed at my school is that the group is almost exclusive in a way. I live in a very conservative area, and we have all sorts of problems running through our school right now, that I'm not going to get into, but just know we have some parent politics going on. When I came to the high school, the Acceptance Club was essentially regarded as the "outcasts", and there were definitely harsher terms used. When I moved on from Division B to C, the Science Olympiad team was basically an extension of this group, and I was one of three out of 12 participants on the team that was hetero.

I got to know many of the lgbtqai+ people on the team, and became pretty good friends at school. Now I do not know about the rest of the Acceptance Club, and that's where things get weird.

The team often advertises themselves as a club where you can go and just hang out with people from all backgrounds, and one day, somebody decided to do just that. A kid I know, a straight, white male, but by no means a closed-minded individual, went to this group just to see what was going on.

He was kicked out.

I can't imagine anything that he could have done to deserve that, and I still don't. I just want to say that we need to build bridges, not walls, and that goes both ways. My school needs to better at providing a space for everyone, but that will never happen if our group refuses to be helped.
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Re: Prevention and Mitigation of Queerphobia

Post by stenopushispidus »

Jehosaphat wrote: April 20th, 2021, 8:56 am One thing that I've noticed lately at my school, is that the stigma goes both ways. We have an "Acceptance Club" that is affiliated with the GSA, and one problem that has existed at my school is that the group is almost exclusive in a way. I live in a very conservative area, and we have all sorts of problems running through our school right now, that I'm not going to get into, but just know we have some parent politics going on. When I came to the high school, the Acceptance Club was essentially regarded as the "outcasts", and there were definitely harsher terms used. When I moved on from Division B to C, the Science Olympiad team was basically an extension of this group, and I was one of three out of 12 participants on the team that was hetero.

I got to know many of the lgbtqai+ people on the team, and became pretty good friends at school. Now I do not know about the rest of the Acceptance Club, and that's where things get weird.

The team often advertises themselves as a club where you can go and just hang out with people from all backgrounds, and one day, somebody decided to do just that. A kid I know, a straight, white male, but by no means a closed-minded individual, went to this group just to see what was going on.

He was kicked out.

I can't imagine anything that he could have done to deserve that, and I still don't. I just want to say that we need to build bridges, not walls, and that goes both ways. My school needs to better at providing a space for everyone, but that will never happen if our group refuses to be helped.
thank you so much for sharing this. i can’t imagine how horrible it would be to feel unaccepted by everyone around you and then also not feeling accepted by the people going through your same/similar struggles.

if anyone needs to see this right now, i’m going to say this: i have heard stories of people running thousands of miles to escape what they’ve gone through or writing thousands of words. you don’t need to do that. imagine this: whatever happened to you, whenever it started, you have survived since then. you have been beat and shoved down so many times in so many ways and your are still here, right now, today.

it might have been people who did something to you or just the world in general. every week, i go to school and i see the people who have made me who i am today; the people who have hurt me in a hundred different ways. i’m not proud to say that when i see them, i run away about 50% of the time. let me tell you, they are not popular, nor intelligent, nor well known, nor admired by their peers. they probably don’t even know what they did to me because from what i’ve heard, the year they did these things to me was the year they loved most in elementary school. i have also been mocked and hurt from people i haven’t known and people I’ll never see again at summer camps. they have called me things that i can’t say here, or i’ll probably be banned.

when people finally figure out who they are, they ask “what do i do now?”. some people would say start dating or transitioning, some people would say start dressing different, some people would say so many other things. to me, the answer is: there is nothing to do. there are no “trials to truly become __” or “next steps”. you are who you are. i don’t know what i would say to make anyone feel better, i just know that i am who i am. i can try toi change it or morph it into whatever i want and i might succeed or i might fail. but this is who i am today, in this moment, right now. i don’t do this for the people who tormented me or the people who supported me. i’m doing this for myself.
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Re: Prevention and Mitigation of Queerphobia

Post by knightmoves »

stenopushispidus wrote: April 18th, 2021, 2:27 pm my school actually has a mandatory guidance class in 7th grade and mandatory life skills in 9th grade along with advisory presentations and stuff during homeroom every week. lgbtqia+ has not yet been brought up yet in advisory or was included in the guidance class (other topics in the guidance class were things like bullying, friendship, adolescence and puberty, etc) and i don’t have much hope it’ll be in life skills for me next year. life skills dives deeper into the...adolescence and puberty topic, but i really dont think if they’ll include an lgbtqia+ topic somewhere and that makes me a bit sad. i understand it’s a controversial topic for the schools, but still. you’re talking about reproduction and having us label diagrams of genitalia and you won’t even say “if you like the same gender or don’t feel like the gender you were assigned to at birth it’s ok”. idk, just my opinion. i don’t mean i expect a full on lesson, but maybe one sentence like that would be reassuring.
Sorry for digging up this old thread, but I was thinking about the recent Florida law, and it seemed to fit here.

All of the discussions in the media, and even those here to some extent, seem to assume that families are full of straight people.

Way way before you have classes talking about "adolescent issues ;)", you have kids in elementary schools who have LGBTQ+ parents, or older siblings, or uncles, aunts, cousins, or some other beloved relative who isn't straight. And those kids will want to talk about their cool Uncle Dave just like everyone else, and they'll want to talk about Uncle Kevin, who is Uncle Dave's husband.

For kids who do come from purely straight families, this might be their first exposure to LGBTQ+ people - one of their classmates has gay parents, or a trans aunt, and they're going to want to talk about the fun times they had with their beloved relative just as much as the other kids. And there are going to be kids in the class who haven't known that this was even possible.

How does the school respond at this point? What does Mrs Smith the first grade teacher say and do when one of her students talks about the cool museum that Uncle Dave and Uncle Kevin took them to, and another student expresses shock or disgust that Dave and Kevin are gay? Because it seems to me that you have a choice here - the teacher can say that yes, some people are gay, and it's fine, or they can do some kind of embarrassed "we're not going to talk about two men being married / ask your parents" thing that implies that there's something dirty or shameful about being gay.

There isn't a "neutral" position here. You either defend having LGBTQ+ relatives as being a normal part of being human, or you imply that it's wrong. (Or even worse you flat out say that it's wrong.)
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