Friends, Science Olympians, countrymen, I come to bury Bryant, but not to mourn him. Alas, I am far more concerned about the mauling I just inflicted on Shakespeare. Still, I did enjoy Bryant's final moments. I modified one of those noodles used to distract basketball players. During a home game at the Staples Center, I fired a poisoned dart from my noodle into this member of the LA Lakers. That team will no longer be the plague of the Western Conference. As I walked out of the stadium, I realized that it might be more productive to remove some referees. But there was not much time for thought. The police were quickly on the scene, looking for clues and accusing anyone who presented themselves. I was rather frightened when one officer took me aside. Fortunately, he only asked how to spell my name. This question required some quick thinking. You see, I have made a grievous typo in my name. The typical spelling of assassin uses a double "S" twice, probably to denote the long "I" sound in the Persian "hassasin." Fortunately, I did not allow the cop to see my face as I made this explanation, and I bolted while he was trying to figure out if the second "A" sound was long or short. With that difficulty out of the way, I continued on my way. The cops examined the body to find this clue wrapped around the dart. "The next dude I will strike attends a High School in the North. Don't drink from the Nile."
No, no one has guessed my identity yet. Since I don't want to bother with keeping count, I have rescinded the black marks on all of your records. But don't expect mercy next time.
This Account has been deactivated. Ignore any posts made from it. If you want to talk to the current Assassinator, send a PM to the Assassinator Account.
If you have a complaint about the current Assassinator, PM a former Assassinator such as Skystrider or Rocketman.